hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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