At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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