Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
