i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
