I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
