I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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