So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
