so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.