I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.