im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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