Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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