he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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