Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
