My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
