GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
