we're blogging at a bar
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
