Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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