We named our party play list daddy issues
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
