Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So apparently I’m into choking now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
