Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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