you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
