Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
