every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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