So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
