Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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