When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
