I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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