in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think brook has ever known best
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
how does that bad decision feel?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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