FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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