I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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