Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
