you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
