i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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