Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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