I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
