Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
