don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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