What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
