But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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