Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
