the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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