Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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