If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
