Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
