I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wear drunk well.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
