I hate all girls vehemently.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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