What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
