Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
