How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
