Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
