I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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