She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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