Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
