How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
