Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
