Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
