I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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