Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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