Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
