those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
