oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
