So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
