just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Im part way to drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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