I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
