I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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