so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
