i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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