His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
