i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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