I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize