my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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