They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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