I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
