i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
two words...techno handjob
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
