So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
