we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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