Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
