he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
