Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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