Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
