Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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