why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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