haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
