Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
