dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
