Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
